Like an itch I can't scratch....

Now is probably not the best time to post. I'm feeling depressed. I'm beginning to seriously think it's time to move off this island. If my son weren't still in school I'd probably already be gone. It's just too dead here for me. There's never enough to do. The shopping sucks. There isn't enough cultural diversity. It's a beautiful place to live but.........I miss the energy of a big city. I miss people....city people. Everyone here knows everyone else and everything about them. I prefer to be anonymous. People here know about me without knowing me. I don't like that. I don't really have any friends here. My best friend was killed in a car accident on Oahu in 1989. I can't even describe how much I miss her. We had so much fun together. She was one of a kind. So why did I move here you're probably wondering.........well, my boyfriend at the time was moving here and he asked me to move here. It's a long story - he actually was my ex-boyfriend who broke up with his girlfriend and we started seeing each other again. Only, two days after we arrived here I discovered he hadn't really broken up with her. So....here we were, me, my son and our cat. We found a place to live, I found a job, and here we are. I'm completely bored with one of my jobs. It's not challenging enough. I like my other job but don't think I want to stay there forever. And there aren't any men here I'm attracted to. They all seem to be too young or too old for me. I'm a very private person. I'm not easy to get to know. And I'm very picky about who I let into my life. The "heartbreaker" said I was a very mysterious woman. And when I think about it what he said is true. And that's another thing.....the "heartbreaker" is gone. The project he was working on for 11 months is finished and he's left the island. Wouldn't you know that the one man I was attracted to who was attracted to me would only be here temporarily? I still don't understand why he never called me after that one night we met. How can you ogle someone for 8 months, point her out to the guy you're with whenever you see her, meet her, have a great time together talking, kissing, etc., and then just completely drop the ball? I don't understand how the male mind works. At least call and say hey, sorry but I'm too chicken to pursue this thing with you so blah, blah, blah..........how can you men just leave us women hanging like that? I don't get it. We have feelings, we have emotions, and our hearts get broken. Well, his initials are FCS and I've concluded they stand for fucking chicken shit. I told you this wasn't a good time for me to post, being depressed and all, but what the heck, I got a lot off my chest. So maybe I'll remove this post later but right now who the f--- cares................